You are stronger than you think

Assalamualaikum

My body feels so hot. I think that is because I had sup kambing for dinner hehe. I went to the laundry with my mother and sister, so while waiting for my laundry, we made our tummies happy. And now, I cannot even sleep. Maybe because also I had two bowls of laksa for lunch. Great I reaaaaaaally need to check my diet tips

Anyway, I just watched something that I believe every woman needs to watch it too and learn from it. I am not gonna share her Instagram id since you know a private reason, even though I believe she would not mind haha. So if you can guess who is she, then yes, she is the one that I am talking about haha. First and foremost, she is not my friend nor do I know her personally. She is just someone that I stalk on Instagram every day hehe. Sort of like my girl crush. Wait, she is in ranking #2 I think. You get distracted a lot gurl, please focus on what is your actual point

So, as I was saying, this girl crush of mine, shared in her instastory about abusive marriage. It happened to her friend. Her friend was in the instastory too. She claimed this need to be heard so that women out there, know what to do. This abusive marriage of her friend happened 5 years ago if I did hear it clearly. Most of the reasons, why she got abused cos her ex husband had a two wives. She was the first one. She was like a punching bag to her ex husband since she was so close to him compared to his other wife. She didn’t tell anyone about her problem, even to her family. She told that she was embarrassed. That was the strongest reason. Also, her ex husband made she believed that she was at fault and deep down in her heart, she knew she needed her husband so much. She was a housewife with 4 children. I was so focused listening to her stories. She was so relax and calm when sharing her stories, I didn’t see any tears fall from her eyes. ‘Wow this woman must be so strong’ I muttered under my breath

You know what made me so mad was when she told that her ex husband kicked her stomach when she was 4 month pregnant! For God’s sake! What was this guy thinking?! She even shared that there was one time when her ex husband pull her hair and banged her head against the wall. What. The. Fish. Was. Wrong. With. This. Basdard. I felt like I was watching malay drama about abusive but sadly I don’t remember the title but Fazura was the actress lol. So back to the topic, she held it for a longest time, until her friends realized that something terrible happened to her- her bruises. That was when my girl crush dragged her to the police station and made a report. She of course went to the counselling to get a therapy but surprisingly she said despite all the bad things that have happened to her, she’s ready to fall in love again and married. Some of the women maybe traumatized to fall in love again, but she did not

That is the story. I even stalked her friend’s Instagram. There is no picture of her ex husband (Duhhh of course!) but only her families and her children. I wanted to cry so bad seeing her kids. They are still young. I was wondering which child that her husband kicked when she was pregnant. I made my own assumption, must be the youngest one. I have had enough of crying so I against it. Gotta look cool, gotta look cool as I chanted in my head. She is so strong. And her ex husband? Yes he was a chicken! Okay a king kong to be exact! Even a real king kong falls in love with a human! If you know what I mean..

I may not know her full stories, but I believe she was the strongest woman when she decided she had had enough and she gotta out of this mess. My girl crush, I really need to give my girl crush a fake name. Alright so A, yes her initial name, told that at first her friend’s ex husband was a nice guy, he was loved by the community cos he always showed a good man attitude so no one would expect that he would turn into a horrific man

Anything can happen to anyone so it’s best to be prepared. I may sound strong and brave to stand on my feet but I would never know what would I do If I were in her friend’s shoes. It’s easier said than done. I cry a lot. So that cannot guarantee my life that I will stay stronger haha. I was thinking so hard to the extent I have to start doing a research about abusive marriage. How bad it is in Malaysia. You see, when you read a lot, you will know a lot. But my blog will become more adult and serious haha

I should head to bed now. I already hear my tummy making a weird noises ugh. But before I say my good night, I just want to tell that all the stories that I hear or I watch, actually make me more stronger. You know you would never be alone, you will always have someone with you, even the authorities are with you. We are living in a country that have rules. If you do something bad to people, there is always other people who will come and help you. Wowwwww what am I now?

Bye!

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Are you ready?

Assalamualaikum

I am always have a soft spot for kids. I was sweeping the floor when I started questioning myself ‘Am I ready to be a mother?’. I know I can be so random at weird time. I cannot help to write about it

I have two friends in my diploma years who are now waiting to welcome their first child. They are so happy. I USED to think that this is not fair for me when they are happily talking about it without thinking their other friends’ feelings who are still single. (Yes I am not the only who is still single). How could they did not think about our feelings. Okay maybe I am the only one who is so unbelievable. Really, they could talk somewhere else like private message instead of sending us tons of rainbows in our group chat. How stupid I was. I know, I should not have had that kind of feeling. They have found their happiness, they just wanted to share their moments with us, aren’t your friend’s happiness is yours too? Wow I sound like a jerk

I hope they do not read my blog though. Or else, I am doomed haha. I have talked to B and of course B, being a wise person she is, she knocked some sense into my head. She always says, this feeling that I am always have is just a phase of not finding my partner yet. No I disagreed. I believe it is because I love small humans so much. I also want to feel it. I believe I am just sad and impatient. I told you guys, my hormones are literally everywhere. So this is not weird at all when you see me crying out of sudden cos I hate them for thinking I will find my partner soon when the truth is, I just don’t want to date anyone yet cos I think, yes, my brain thinks, I am not ready

I have watched a lot of news, how young marriages always have a critical issues. BUT I swear whenever I have that kind of feelings, I always stumble on someone’s Instagram who shares about how beautiful young marriage is. Even when that person is no longer in this world. Can I be any stupid anymore?

I will always go to B’s life marriage as a motivation. She is so glowing and happy now. Of course she has her down moments but hey life is not always about candies. You know that. So why you always have this bad feeling? I am so confused with myself. I remember when my brother said that women are complicated except our mother. Okay brother. Don’t get me wrong. I do want to meet my partner as soon as Allah’s allows me too. But there is just sometimes you think, you are not fully ready to meet someone and hold his hands forever. Or is he even wants to hold my hands forever?

I think being a teacher really opens my eyes. Small humans are not as easy as you think. They can be so rough and annoying. Are you even ready to carry all those responsibilities once you become a mother? I know sometimes I can be so heart headed. I can be so annoyed just thinking why do these small humans always want my attention. Can they go somewhere else and leave me alone. But then I remember, I AM A TEACHER. AND I AM AN ADULT

They will always want your attention. Who else would give them love if it was not from the oldest. You told yourself, you love small humans. Are you really love them? Or you just love the thought of how adorable they are when they have a round eyes, fair skin, chubby and innocent. Wow my post is getting heavier. I should not have thought about this haha. I should have just showered instead. There is no doubt that I love my students will all my heart. This is just a heartless side of me

I mean look at this. He is not even chubby yet I still love him regardless. DON’T DOUBT MY LOVE. I AM NATURALLY CLICK WELL WITH KIDS. Just not with the human being called ‘man’ I think haha have I told you guys I need a book to become more rational about relationship? Lol I don’t really have any specific details on how my partner should be. Well if you ask my mother, she will give you maybe a few types of man that she wants me to date. But really, as long as I have butterflies in my stomach whenever I see his face, then I am already found my partner

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Oh I hope when my time comes, my friends do not hate me for sharing with them a happy news like how I used to be so stupid and immatured haha. God you do not know what kind of life is waiting for you. So be nice gurrrl! Yeah yeah I know, now I can go find my broom

Bye!

Baby Don’t Cry

Assalamualaikum

Oh yes, it’s Baby Don’t Cry. Well you know, if you really know me very well, you will definitely can guess where this title comes from haha I swear I am not crying. But I will cry a river every time I listen to that song. It just touches my heart so much. It’s not that hard to make me cry, yes shove me any sad song, you will see my tears. Okay maybe a happy song will do now. I have enough of sad songs. Truth be told, I was listening to that song when I thought about my friends. I am so thankful for having sucha understanding friends, who always be there for me especially when my hormones are literally everywhere

I text them everyday (yes B is not my only friend haha) talking about random things, and surprisingly they listen to my not-so-humor-stories till the end. Hey at least I make them laugh when they are at the work place (or they did not). We even sometimes, when we are just out of our minds, or maybe when we want to show off our new phone hehe, we will spam our group chat with our selfies haha. Trust me guys, we talk about every thing. Most of the time, about make up (this with B), whose going to married first, and some people who just think they are always right (with F and B cos B needs to hear my rants too), about who is the most prettier among us, about food, and food and oh maybe about food again too. There was one time, when I scrolled my photo gallery and I found my friend’s selfie and I was dumbstruck. My friend is so freaking beautiful. Are you even a human?! What the fruit are you eating?! Now I have been crushing my own friend #notfunnyguys

So today when I was looking for my pjs, I saw my old letter. It was from Vicky. She is my internet friend who lives in Vietnam. We haven’t meet yet, we only texts and video calls. We have been friends for more than 4 years. Since I was still in university and she was in Denmark. She’s now working at the big company in Vietnam. If I did remember it clearly, she works with her mother. Her mother is the head of Human Resource. Okay okay I need to breathe. We don’t want you to be so emotional. You haven’t even showered yet haha

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I got this letter 3 years ago. Even her handwriting was so perfect. I admit, I will constantly need them in my life. As you have growing more older, you will always need someone, or better people to always guide you, to remind you that you are dealing with people so always communicate nicely, you will always need them to give you some spirit that life is not always hard. You will always achieve whatever things that you want as long as you keep in mind, if you do nice things to people, something good will come to you. Don’t forget your parents too! They are the ones who are always silently wishing you all the best. Who else support you from the back if not from them? Oh btw! If you need free advice about life, please call B. She is one of those people who will sit with you and hey come listen to me kind of woman. No no I am just joking! I love you B

Now really need to shower. I can hear my mother nagging (not to forget B and F are having a mental breakdown cos they are watching our favorite band videos haha) #guesswhostarteditfirst

Bye!

Good food good life

Assalamualaikum

I have been on diet since last two weeks. I realized I have been gaining a few weight and that is not something that I am proud of. My close friends mostly would say ‘you look good’ while my very understanding mother ‘darling, your weight doesn’t look bad at all. You are tall and stop worrying too much’. Honestly, that far from convince me haha. I am so determined to look good before my students’ graduation on this November! Because I will wear the same dress I have worn in last year’s graduation

If you guys think, I am the type of person who will only eat healthy food cos I am on diet, uh nah. You guys are so wrong. It’s soooooo hard to say no to your mother’s cooking. I think it’s just a daughter’s guilt that I cannot say no to my mother especially when she asks me to at least have a bite of her cooking. Okay mother only a few bite then I am clean again. I remember I did not tell my father about this diet thingy but he somehow knows that I do not eat rice now. There was one time when I just got home from work and my mother made our favorite food (I think all kind of dishes are our fav lol). I almost gave up and forgot my main goal. I kept chanting on my head ‘gurl it’s just a normal dish you have tasted so no need to get so sad remember you need to look good’

‘Oh today your mother made chicken curry’ said my father proudly

‘Uh yes I can smell it’ as I kept reminding it’s just a normal dish

‘But you are not eating rice, so ayah will make you another meal, how about kway teow?’

I CRIED. THEY ARE SO PRECIOUS. I SAID YES IN A HEART BEAT.

I think I really need to discipline myself. I have been craving for yogurt. Ugh now I really want it. I just googled it and this will be my breakfast look from now on! Look at those fruits. So colorful, so fresh, and definitely look so healthy and ready to be eaten. The author is so creative! I need to be creative too if I want to look healthy and good. Right?

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But maybe I can start with this one first since it looks more simple and easy to find at the store hehe. I can add kiwi and maybe blueberries too. Yumm!!

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Or maybe some coco crunch cereals on it? Or a few drops of honey? Gurl make up your mind please

Bye!

15 shades of brown

Assalamualaikum

As I have promised, here I am! Hehe so a few days ago, I have ordered something for my mother and of course for myself too. It was so cheap and my heart couldn’t say no to that. I mean, when your mother offers to pay it for you, you really have no choice other than say yes to whatever she says. We don’t want to be labelled as a disrespectful child are we? Haha the thing that I am talking about is a set of brushes. It also comes with 15 colors concealers make up palette. My heart stopped beating for a few seconds. How great is that! You buy a brush and you get not only 10 but 15 colors of concealers! They must somehow know that I have been into makeup lately hehe

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One of the things that B has made me to do.. buying more brushes. I bought it from Lazada. I have never had any problem with Lazada. So when this time, something ‘unexpected’ happened, I was quite unsatisfied. The day when I got a call from GDEX person was the day I need to always rescan my words after I say it. He (at first I thought he was a she cos mannn his voice sounds like a woman, sorry!) called me reconfirming my home address. I was at school and may or may not have been focused to whatever he was saying. Apparently he had no idea where was my house. I am not going to blame him but you are responsible to at least find it first before you call me. You did not even reach near my house yet. I almost wanted to bang my head on the table. Or maybe I was at fault too. I remember giving him an inaccurate detail of our retail shop’s name haha

I checked my parcel’s status and guess guys, now it’s back to post office and the status of my parcel is ‘UNABLE TO LOCATE HOUSE’. I laughed so hard. Am I living in a cave? I texted B when I read the post office’s name. Yes, that post office is near to her cafe. It seems like, B is my second favorite people that will always have to lend me her hands haha I need to go there as soon as I can cos I cannot wait to play with those 15 shades of brown :p

Bye!

Dating issues

Assalamualaikum

No, there is no issues actually hehe. Honestly, I have never been in a serious relationship. My last relationship with a guy was 8 years ago, long way back before I discovered blogspot. If I knew it earlier, probably you guys would have read all my cheesy posts. Thank god. That guy’s name was, okay maybe I am not brave enough to say his name in here, but I will just call him as KFK. He was my best friend’s cousin. No, not B okay, my other best friend when I was 13. KFK was one year older than me and I have not met him yet up until now. I have seen his face only. Okay his whole profile picture. We were not that serious to meet up or maybe he was the one who was not serious. I was 17 and he was barely 18

It would be a lie If I said I did not develop any strong feeling for him. I was young and innocent. I wanted to be loved by other people too. Wow I sound so unlucky haha. (all my school friends were mostly girls and hormones) We did not last long though. I think our relationship lasted for a month. We remained as a friend. And if you guys ask me, where is he now, I can proudly say, I honestly no idea haha we have not contacted each other for more than a year. I am totally okay living my life with not knowing where is he. Of course, I have a crush. I think more than one. Oh god, can I just go take a nap and pretend I did not share about this? I am feeling the younger me kicking in now. Suddenly remembering all my crushes’ faces hahaha

I was on the way to meet B with my parents when my mother brought a topic about dating. She shared with us when she had a date with my father, my late grandfather was the one who sent her. Just like how my parents do that for me. But the different was, I was meeting B, not a GUY mother. She even added, when I have a boyfriend, or want to meet a special one, she and along with my father will be the one who send me. What else can I say? I cried silently

Don’t get me wrong. I just don’t know how to say how lucky I am for having them in my life. Always put me and my other siblings as their first priorities. Who does not want to be loved? I have witnessed their love. And is just incredibly amazing. They taught me honesty, kindness, how to care of other people, how to be patient. Oh and their wedding anniversary is coming soon! I have ordered something for them hehe will surely update it once I got it. Sometimes, I feel a bit lonely when I think about my life. I mean, B has bangpik, and I? Haha but tell you honestly, I don’t know how am I going to approach a guy without looking like an idiot haha. Guess I need a book now?

I will update again tonight so that this post will be the second one haha I am naturally shy :p

Bye!

She knows me so well

Assalamualaikum

If you guys still remember my previous post where I shared about my surprise present from B. B had been so secretive, she refused to tell me what did she buy for me and the only reason I got was YOU HAVE TO WAIT GURL, IT’S A PRESENT. Okay fine.. You got that. As time goes by, I slowly forgot about that special present. Until last week, when I remembered about that. I texted her asking about that present’s whereabouts cos I was so worried it will arrive when nobody is at home and let’s just say I am just too lazy to go to post office :p Maaaaaann B surely has mastered the art of patience. I kept bombarding her with questions and she answered me without revealing the present. I failed to make her to tell me. Have I told you guys how much I hate her for being so secretive, HELLO REMEMBER NO SECRET BETWEEN US?

On fine Wednesday, I finally got her present. I even asked my mother to take a photo of the present hehe. I could not wait to get home so that I can unwrapped it. Guys, I knew it from the moment I saw it. I thought no way she would get me this. Okay maybe at first I thought it was a makeup thingy or bag, B, don’t ya ever wonder why I keep sending you tons of screenshoot photos of bags? To surprise me with a new handbag? Does it ring you now? No? Okay, never mind, you still can buy me one later

LETS BE REAL. SHE GOT ME A PHOTO ALBUM

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I screamed, I instastory-ed, I cried. This will be my very first photo album. Me and B have been so into Kpop since we were in early teens. We both know how much we love Korean guys haha. Actually I was not a big fan when I was in high school. I only liked their songs and maybe a few drama #indenial. I just loveeeeed drama from Korea. I spent my teenagers years watching those sappy dramas, hyper music videos but there has been only one group that caught my eyes since day one I watched them, yes this bunch of guys. No one else. I have not updated about Kpop (as I used to be) since I finished studying. Most of the time cos I have been so busy with work and life. This phase of fangirling over Korean people have slow down a bit

Especially when you realise that now you are reaching nearly twenty six and you have to hurry buy a lot of makeup products so that you can doll up your self, someday

Now I love B, a little bit

Bye!